Eat.Pray.Love

Last night, I watched the movie Eat Pray Love starring Julia Roberts. I haven't seen a movie in a cinema for quite sometime and i must admit that the story of this movie really moved me. It moved me because I can relate to the main character, Liz (Julia Roberts).

The story revolved around Liz, finding herself again after deciding to have a divorce with his husband. It featured how she was able to cope up with the pain of losing herself after she got married and how she eventually tried to love herself and find love again. She went to Italy where she savored her appetite with Italian delicacies. Meditated and learn about God in India. And she opened her heart again for love in Bali, Indonesia. In all of these destinations, she met people who taught her lessons about life and love.

It was the perfect movie for me. why? because I've been trying to cope up with the pain I'm feeling now. This movie taught me a lot of lessons and answered a lot of questions in my mind. Honestly, while I was watching it, i feel Liz's friends advice pointing towards me. I feel like I really should watch that movie and listen to the lessons that the movie was teaching me. I realized how much I've lost myself in search of love and now I know that I need to get back to my senses again and love myself more for me to be able to love somebody.

I'm already in the state of Eating and Praying and I really can relate to Liz. As of now, whenever I feel sad and lonely, i eat... at night and i feel so alone, i pray to God. I'm asking Him to help me understand why things happened and why I'm feeling this kind of pain now. It helps a lot - eating and praying. But when it comes to loving again, I must admit that I'm not ready for it as of the moment, not too soon. I'm really afraid now to fall in love again.. afraid of getting hurt again. I know it would take time for me to forget the pain but I also know that God would heal these wounds.

"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."

when September ended

so now all is clear... well, at least most of my questions had been answered when September ended..

September 28 at around 10pm

him: may lakad ka ba bukas?

me: wala naman. why?

him: i think we need to talk

me: hhmmm about?

him: everything

this conversation startled me and made me so nervous... i was thinking what he's going to say.. i sent a message to his brother who was also surprised by the news. i must admit that i can't get over that message and we talked for about an hour or two...talking about random stuff.. i thought i'm going to collapse while we we're having a conversation in YM. that night, i find it hard to sleep..thinking about the positive and negative things that could happen.. i kept on thinking more of the positive since we had our normal, fun conversation..

September 29

(around 8am) i got a text message from the "other" guy asking me about the status message of the guy and i asked which status message and he said "bukas malalaman ko kung sino ang mga tunay kong kaibigan".. i apanicked upon reading this message.. i didn't see this status message and it already hit me.. what he's going to say isn't something positive..

i was bothered by the thought the whole day and i was trying not to think about it so i busied myself with the task at hand.. and around 5pm he texted me telling me that he still has a lot of work to do so we'll just meet the next day.. i was so disappointed 'coz i want to clear things that moment..i want to stop thinking of the what's and if's..

September 30 around 8pm

we met somewhere..had dinner and talked... i wasn't comfortable the whole time since he arrived because i felt that he's so nervous and i was too.. so we started talking about "everything".. he really doesn't know what to say, and i kept on telling him "ano na? sabihin mo na kasi"... it was an EPIC FAIL moment, coz it's just like a guessing game..he wants me to say what i was thinking and je'll just confirm it.. but when he said.. "they say, break it to me gently", i already understood.. then i told him "say it" and he said that's it's like a magnet "nagrerepel"...

i wasn't really prepared for that moment, and he wasn't as well.. it's just funny that when i already felt my tears are gonna fall, he handed me a choknut... as of now, we're back to normal..nothing has actually changed though i must admit that it hit me so hard, waiting for someone for almost a year only to find out that he just can't love me