just had some realizations lately...it's so funny why i always fall for a friend but always end up as the bestfriend... yeah, maybe i'm just not the girlfriend material but a bestfriend material...it happened not just once...it happens all the time...
i don't know why i always fall for a friend...maybe it's because of the closeness that we have and the comfort that they are giving me whenever i'm down...the first time that i experienced falling for a friend and getting hurt was when i was in high school..i've fallen for a close friend and was hurt many times because he tells me almost everything when it comes to his girlfriend (who happened to be our classmate as well)...the most hurtful moment was when they broke up and he gave me a piece of paper where he told me that he wanted to die...we talked over the phone that night and he was crying and on the other side of the line..i was silently crying with him...he doesn't even know that time that i love him 'coz if he knew then maybe he wouldn't be telling me everything...the sad part was when i told him the truth...he never talked to me again...
this happened twice in college...during my first year, well, another sad ending...i don't know why he got mad at me...after i left UP Manila i thought we would still be ok but then i don't know why he got mad at me and he chose to ignore me...until now, it's still a blur to me...we we're ok back then but suddenly he doesn't want to talk to me anymore....it happened again in UPD...I became close to someone who i never thought would be a very close friend to me... i chose not to let him know what i really feel for him...and i've chosen not to expect for anything in return...until now, i'm silently loving him...i wanted him to know but i would never risk our friendship this time because i don't want to lose him...i'll be contented in letting him feel that i'm always here for him...it just makes me sad whenever he's hurt...sometimes i just want to tell him "andito naman kasi ako, mahal kita"...but as i've said, i would not do that...
this time, i'm close to a person who i want to be with for a long time...what's the real score? i really don't know...i just know that he told me that he's not yet ready for a commitment and i can't do anything about that...he's always beside me, making me laugh most of the time...lifting me up whenever i'm down... i don't know where it would end...but i'm hoping that we would end up being together but if not, then i guess that's what's meant to be...i cannot force him to love me back...i just can't help falling for him...but i told myself that i wouldn't expect for anything this time...i would just enjoy his company, his sweetness....
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