i must admit that i'm missing the feeling of being in a relationship. it's been two years since i had a romantic relationship and i really miss the feeling of being loved by someone.. until somebody came.. let's just call him MAP (Mr. Almost Perfect).. that's my codename for him since i started to have a crush on him. but he's so slow. last sunday, he finally told us (me and our common friends) that he likes me, not just as a friend but as a girl and when asked if he wants me to be his girlfriend, he answered yes. that was the happy part of the story. he was then asked why he's still not courting me until now and he said that he wanted to attend a retreat/recollection first so evryone got disappointed coz it only means one thing... i need to wait more...
but why should i wait when there's someone loving me? we'll i hope he's seriously in love with me.. let's just call him CF as in close friend. so he's a close friend of mine who's obviously giving me "signals" and yes, he's telling me "i love you" but i think that's just "i love you friend". what bothers me is that he's getting jealous when i'm with MAP.. and not just with MAP but also with RS.. he's not like this before and i never thought that he'll get jealous with the two other guys because he's been teasing me to those guys, and keeps on telling me to just forget about MAP and just pursue RS. i was really shocked when i found out that he felt jealous during the time that i chose to be with RS than go home with him. i don't know what he's planning to do now but i'm getting nervous coz he likes surprises. i like him but because he told me before that if ever he falls in love with me, he wouldn't cross the line. he'd chose his friends over me, so that's what i'm thinking, that i shouldn't fall for him.. but what's this he's trying to do now? it's so difficult to resist the sweetness.
RS for Rock Star. he would remain as a rock star for me, i wish to see him play the guitar again, and how i wish he'd play a song for me :) the last time i saw him, i was so happy because i was able to see that smile again and it's not everyday that i see him smile. he's a guy with a serious type of personality and i always feel nervous around him coz i don't know what to say or what to talk about, i'm glad that we're starting to get closer to each other and most of the time he's starting the conversation. i know he only likes me as a friend but i really like him and we'll im happy being his close friend but i still wish to be his first and hopefully last girlfriend :)
enough of this insanity. i better go to bed and recharge for tomorrow's work. ^_^
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