when September ended

so now all is clear... well, at least most of my questions had been answered when September ended..

September 28 at around 10pm

him: may lakad ka ba bukas?

me: wala naman. why?

him: i think we need to talk

me: hhmmm about?

him: everything

this conversation startled me and made me so nervous... i was thinking what he's going to say.. i sent a message to his brother who was also surprised by the news. i must admit that i can't get over that message and we talked for about an hour or two...talking about random stuff.. i thought i'm going to collapse while we we're having a conversation in YM. that night, i find it hard to sleep..thinking about the positive and negative things that could happen.. i kept on thinking more of the positive since we had our normal, fun conversation..

September 29

(around 8am) i got a text message from the "other" guy asking me about the status message of the guy and i asked which status message and he said "bukas malalaman ko kung sino ang mga tunay kong kaibigan".. i apanicked upon reading this message.. i didn't see this status message and it already hit me.. what he's going to say isn't something positive..

i was bothered by the thought the whole day and i was trying not to think about it so i busied myself with the task at hand.. and around 5pm he texted me telling me that he still has a lot of work to do so we'll just meet the next day.. i was so disappointed 'coz i want to clear things that moment..i want to stop thinking of the what's and if's..

September 30 around 8pm

we met somewhere..had dinner and talked... i wasn't comfortable the whole time since he arrived because i felt that he's so nervous and i was too.. so we started talking about "everything".. he really doesn't know what to say, and i kept on telling him "ano na? sabihin mo na kasi"... it was an EPIC FAIL moment, coz it's just like a guessing game..he wants me to say what i was thinking and je'll just confirm it.. but when he said.. "they say, break it to me gently", i already understood.. then i told him "say it" and he said that's it's like a magnet "nagrerepel"...

i wasn't really prepared for that moment, and he wasn't as well.. it's just funny that when i already felt my tears are gonna fall, he handed me a choknut... as of now, we're back to normal..nothing has actually changed though i must admit that it hit me so hard, waiting for someone for almost a year only to find out that he just can't love me