someone i shouldn't fall for

last night, i had a dream about my rockstar crush...well, yes! he's a rockstar (well for me he is indeed a rockstar)the dream was kinda weird for me, because in my dream, we were with his friends (who i haven't met yet) and they locked us up in a room, just the two of us. i can't remember much of the details but i remembered that we held each others hands :)

he's someone so interesting. why? coz he's musically inclined, tall, silent type of guy yet he has deep thoughts :) well, his expertise in guitar was the reason why i like him. his personality was the first thing that attracted me when we first met, then the "crush" feeling fade away until i saw his video where he was playing the guitar...i was stunned by the way he played the guitar. i get to like him more when i saw him play the guitar in person :) he was so into the music that i can't help but stare at him...

after saying all this things, i know that i shouldn't fall for this guy for quite a few reasons. he's like an award i would never ever get. it's just COMPLICATED!


"would you venture your heart to love and hurt again?"

holy week activities

This year's holy week celebration is the most fruitful holy week I've celebrated so far...we've done several activities and I attended the parish's activities for the whole week...

Holy Monday - Parish "Daan ng Krus" was held and we walked around the community to commemorate Christ's Passion...it was a tiring activity but I was able to pray and remember what God has done for us...

Holy Tuesday - the Parish Youth Council was assigned to join the "Pabasa" which was held at the delos Remedios hall of San Antonio Abad Parish...that was the first time that I attended a pabasa, when i was a child i just hear it from our neighbors..after the pabasa, we prayed the rosary...

Holy Wednesday - we attended the mass before the procession...we also joined the procession and prayed...a lot of people attended the procession...

Maundy Thursday - this was the most tiring day of the week..we attended the Chrism mass at 6 am in the Immaculate Conception Cathedral where all the priests of our Diocese were there to renew their vows...we were there to support our new parish priest Fr. Darwin Calderon...after the Chrism mass, we went to our parish to have breakfast and then we started cleaning the church and arranged the seats for the mass in the afternoon...around 12:30 we went to Manila to conduct Visita Iglesia..we went to different churches in Manila...we visited the Manila Cathedral, San Agustin Parish, Basilica of San Lorenzo Ruiz, San Sebastian Parish, St. Jude Parish, San Beda, St.Anthony de Padua and Loreto Parish...I was so amazed with the beauty of each of the churches that we visited...a lot of people are also visiting those different churches...in each of the parishes, I told God the desires of my heart (there were 3 as of now)...Gladys, Jem, JC, Don and I were so tired because we just walked to go to the other parishes and it was so hot that day but I enjoyed it a lot because of the designs of the church, the bonding that we had and of course because I felt God's presence in each church...around 4:30pm we went back to Pasig and headed to Don's house to freshen up and for him to be able to dress up since he's one of the Apostles in the mass :)..6:00pm, we attended the mass: washing of the feet and the Lord's supper... i felt already exhausted during the mass but the homily was good and i really tried to stay awake...after the mass we had dinner and went back to the church because we're assigned for the vigil at 11pm...during the vigil, I was able to pray solemnly since there were moments of reflections...when i got home around 12:30 my body felt so exhausted but i can say that my spirit was so high because of the reflections and prayers that i made during the day...

Good Friday - well because i was so tired yesterday, i woke up around 12 nn at i watched the 7 last words on TV...at 3pm i went to the church to attend the mass...after the mass, was the procession where there were more people compared to last Wednesday's procession....

Black Saturday and Easter Sunday - tomorrow we will have the Easter egg painting and we'll attend the easter vigil at 9pm...and we're going to attend the "salubong" on sunday at 5am..we're going to give the easter eggs to the children who'll attend the mass...

it's a tiring week but i really had a great time with my friends and i feel like i'm closer to God...I offer to him everything that I'm doing...I'm happy serving God and i will never get tired of serving Him because I love Him...here's a video of "we are the reason", i love this song because it reminds me of God's love to us...

always the bestfriend

just had some realizations lately...it's so funny why i always fall for a friend but always end up as the bestfriend... yeah, maybe i'm just not the girlfriend material but a bestfriend material...it happened not just once...it happens all the time...

i don't know why i always fall for a friend...maybe it's because of the closeness that we have and the comfort that they are giving me whenever i'm down...the first time that i experienced falling for a friend and getting hurt was when i was in high school..i've fallen for a close friend and was hurt many times because he tells me almost everything when it comes to his girlfriend (who happened to be our classmate as well)...the most hurtful moment was when they broke up and he gave me a piece of paper where he told me that he wanted to die...we talked over the phone that night and he was crying and on the other side of the line..i was silently crying with him...he doesn't even know that time that i love him 'coz if he knew then maybe he wouldn't be telling me everything...the sad part was when i told him the truth...he never talked to me again...

this happened twice in college...during my first year, well, another sad ending...i don't know why he got mad at me...after i left UP Manila i thought we would still be ok but then i don't know why he got mad at me and he chose to ignore me...until now, it's still a blur to me...we we're ok back then but suddenly he doesn't want to talk to me anymore....it happened again in UPD...I became close to someone who i never thought would be a very close friend to me... i chose not to let him know what i really feel for him...and i've chosen not to expect for anything in return...until now, i'm silently loving him...i wanted him to know but i would never risk our friendship this time because i don't want to lose him...i'll be contented in letting him feel that i'm always here for him...it just makes me sad whenever he's hurt...sometimes i just want to tell him "andito naman kasi ako, mahal kita"...but as i've said, i would not do that...

this time, i'm close to a person who i want to be with for a long time...what's the real score? i really don't know...i just know that he told me that he's not yet ready for a commitment and i can't do anything about that...he's always beside me, making me laugh most of the time...lifting me up whenever i'm down... i don't know where it would end...but i'm hoping that we would end up being together but if not, then i guess that's what's meant to be...i cannot force him to love me back...i just can't help falling for him...but i told myself that i wouldn't expect for anything this time...i would just enjoy his company, his sweetness....

first time

Feb.4,2010...the day when best hugged me for the first time...big deal? yeah coz i really want to hug him ever since but i'm too shy to do so but now, he did it and i really feel glad coz it's in the right timing...i was so tired and felt so alone the whole day, doing my thesis and still alone at our tambayan when he came and hugged me...that hug took away all the stress that i felt for the whole day...i missed best so much though it was just a week or so when we last saw each other...i always miss best 'coz i can be myself when i'm with him and i feel secured and contented whenever i'm with him...

honestly, his presence made me realize that i don't need a boyfriend anyway...i have a best like him who doesn't judge me, who's always beside me, who understands and love me for who i am...most importantly, he'll be with me no matter what...with him i feel special...he's someone i wouldn't want to lose...ever! i want to show him that he's one of the most important guys in my life right now...i love my best and that wouldn't change no matter what :D

hoping....

i was shocked last night when i've read my best's status in FB...i texted him immediately but that didn't change my mood...he texted me this afternoon to thank me and well, he still didn't forget telling me that he's hoping that i'm ok...that touched me so much...he's now faced with a big problem and yet he still thinks about me...my best, he's just extraordinary....

he just texted me a while ago and for the second time i was shocked and saddened because he and his family is faced with two difficult situations now...i don't know what to do...i wish i could be there beside him and tell him that everything would be ok...i wish i could be beside him so he wouldn't feel alone...all i can do to help him now is to pray for his mom and dad...

honestly, at times i envy best for having a great family...i haven't met them personally except for his dad but from his stories, i know that he has a great family, which i don't have... this is one reason why i really feel sad now because i know that he loves his family so much...

i know he doesn't know this but everytime that he's sad, hurt, i feel twice the pain... i don't want it when he's depressed... i just want him to be happy...whenever he's down, i just wish i could make him feel ok...i'm wishing i could do something for him now...hoping he'll be ok...

i told him before that i dedicate this song to him...and i want him to know..."hindi kita bibitawan"

learning from the past

i said i'll go to bed now but still i'm thinking too much so i decided to rummage through my old blog entries...and i suddenly realized that that's where i would find the answers...this is not the first time that i've been in this situation and i should have learned from what happened before...

this time i would "step up"...i'll do it this time...no backsliding...no turning back...i need courage to get what i want...i dont want more what ifs and what could have been...i need answers and i can only get answers if i would face the problem...i hate this confusion and i won't let this confusion empower me...

here's a part of my old blog entry...

"There a lot of decision making process that we have to go through but as of now I think choosing between friendship and love is one of the hardest decision to make. After choosing between the two, you would have to think of answers to those “what ifs” that you have in mind. It’s really hard to fall for your friend especially when you’re really close to each other. You would have to face those hear-breaking moments where he tells you how happy he is with his girlfriend and how much he loves her or worst when he tells you how badly he was hurt because of their break-up. This is really one of those times when you really have to be strong for him and for yourself as well especially when you don’t want him to know that its tearing your heart. Some of my friends tell me that I shouldn’t fall for a friend and they should be off-limits. I always tell them that you could tell your heart to whom it should fall for and to whom it should not. You may tell yourself “I will not fall for him because he is my friend…” I tell you, this is easier said than done because sometimes you fall for someone you vowed never to fall for and when that happens, it’s not easy to stop the feeling. Another dilemma is whether to tell it to him or not. In this case, I think no one can tell you which to choose but your own self. It’s up for you if you are willing to risk the friendship or you are willing to bear the pain because he doesn’t know that he’s hurting you. But what’s confusing me right now is how to know if your friend already likes you. It’s really hard to tell whether he already likes you or not. What if he treats you so special compared to your other friends, does that mean that he likes you? What if his actions show that he likes you but then he has not said a word to tell you that he really likes you? What if everything shows that it’s not mere friendship but then he really never tells a word about it? What if he does things more than what a friend should do? What if he’s just too sweet to resist? I want answers!!! But I know it’s only through him that I can get the right answers but I would never ever ask him!!! Other questions that’s worrying me… What if he just treats you so well because you’re important for him as a friend? …What if you fall for him but then he just sees you as a friend?… What if... you fall for him? … And what if you tell him? … Would he just ignore it? Tell that he loves you too? Or worst, stop seeing you and let go of your friendship?…WHAT IF??? I needed someone to tell me answers to these questions…I’M TORN AND TORMENTED!"
http://stickatology.blogspot.com/2005/08/torn.html

search for answers

the other night i was browsing through my multiply site and looked up at his multiply site... that was the first time that i read through his blogs which dated from 2009-2006...i was started reading through the 2009 entries down to his very first blog entry...while reading through his blog entries, a lot of questions are popping in my mind... that was the first time that i realized that behind his happy personality is a man who had been badly hurt because of love... i was just speculating based on what i read but i felt his pain and realized that maybe...just maybe, this is the reason for his hesitation... i guess he had been hurt bad his past experience and might be afraid to fall in love again... i wanted to talk to him about it but i don't know how...i don't know where to start...

as i was going through his blogs, my fear had dawn back on me... i suddenly realized that my inner fear is still there... my fear of loving and getting hurt again... when he was still my crush my closest friends (especially best) know how much i'm trying to control my feelings... first reason, i don't want to fall for a friend again because i don't want our friendship to get ruined...2nd reason is that i'm afraid to get hurt again... i'm afraid of falling in love for a friend again because i had a bad experience before... it happened during my high school days... i've fallen for my closest friend only to realize that he's falling for our classmate and worst of it, he always tell me about her and he cried and talked to me when they broke up... those we're the hardest times of my life... when i told him about my feelings, he didn't talk to me again... and this happened not just once... i don't want this to happen to us now... i really like him...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

confusion strikes again

i know i shouldn't think too much but i just can't help it...after that night when he texted me with that kinda weird message, i can't help but think about it...when he indirectly told me about waiting, i got confused but i must admit that i also felt happy that time... happy because he wouldn't ask me to wait if there's really "nothing" between us...he wouldn't say that if he doesn't like me at all..right? and i asked him why but he just told me that he can't answer my questions as of now...that added to my confusion since i don't know what to do...though i know i want to wait for him...

patience...i guess i really need to learn about it...and a very patient person and people know that... i don't easily get mad and not that "strict" when it comes to call time, especially if i'm waiting for someone i really want to be with...but now, it's just too difficult for me to do it...why? because i don't know the reasons why he told me that...what's holding him back...and other questions that i wanted to ask him...am i in a rush? no! i'm not in a rush to have a relationship but i want answers... i hate it when i'm not given any reason because i don't know what to do...

i love him...that the only thing i'm sure of as of now...i want to be with him...grow old with him... i know that God has plans for us and i'm in no position to try to intervene to His plans...i just need to wait, wait, and wait on what would happen next... i hope he wouldn't let me wait for too long... but i know i can wait until he's ready...though it's difficult for me because i really want to tell and let him feel how important he is...i want to show my feelings but i can't for i'm afraid that he might not be ready for it yet...i don't want to ruin what we have now...our friendship... i just hope it wouldn't end there...

My AYD Journey

Sleepless nights…pressure…stress are over…but it was all worth it.

Days in the Diocese of Pasig has ended on Nov.23, 2009 when we accompanied the delegates to Mall of Asia for they have gone to the Asian Youth Day proper at Imus, Cavite. Three days of their stay here at the Diocese of Pasig had been very fruitful and full of joy, laughter and happiness.

Months of preparation for the D.I.D…well most of it went well although there had been problems encountered and yet we were able to face all of it. We were able to do it because of each other’s helping hand and of course His guidance. It had been a very memorable experience for me. It was the first time that I have been involved in an international activity that involved a lot of people and I must admit that it has never been easy for me. It was also the first time that I headed a team where most of the members are “stranger” for me at first but they eventually turned out to be good friends. It has never been easy working with people I’ve met for the first time, the steering team, transpo team, and all of the volunteers, yet I was able to do my best, to give what I can just to serve my fellow youth and God. There had been moments when I wanted to give up because of the big responsibility that has been put upon my shoulder but thanks to those people who helped me gain confidence and who gave me strength.

It has been a great experience meeting new people…from the volunteers to the delegates, and being closer to those I already know before. It was nice working with the steering team for I have learned a lot from them…my so called good leaders…they have thought me a lot about leadership and knowing what you can do… I have known limitations and they willingly fill in the gaps. I have learned that there are people who can and who willingly give everything for service, for the youth, and for GOD. They willingly sacrificed their time, effort, money, and everything they could for this event to be a successful one. Personally, I can say that it was all worth it… I enjoyed and learned a lot during the preparation and the event itself… it was a wonderful experience to meet new friends… to meet the delegates… to work with the steering team… to share experiences with the volunteers… to find love… and to find God during this journey.

I’m proud to be one of the volunteers… proud that I have done something I thought I cannot do… proud to serve the youth and proud to serve God.

YAsia Fiesta: Young Asians, Come Together, Share the word, Live the Eucharist. ^_^

mr.almost perfect

haven't been blogging for quite a long time... but i guess this one should be "recorded" here since it's not everyday that i can meet someone like him...

i have known this guy for a year or so...first impression? he's a simple guy and a shy type...and yes i was right...he's simple but not shy... :) he's a bully...a real bully.. :D but he's really a good guy with a good heart...

what really caught my attention was his desire to serve not just God but the people as well... he did not allow anything to be a hindrance in helping other people and that's what i call service... he's also responsible..he whole-heartedly do whatever task is assigned to him and he does it with dedication... he's also a good example of someone who shows humility...

i can't deny the fact that i'm falling for him but i wouldn't let this feeling ruin our friendship and our closeness.. if he's the one that God has sent for me, then I can wait... he's like a living angel sent to show me how it is to really serve God and others...

just can't help it

what's happening to me this time? can't help thinking about someone i shouldn't be thinking...no! there's nothing wrong on thinking about him but not this much!!!

he's even in my dreams...and all i want to do is just to talk to him...be with him...argh! this is so not good!

he's such a good guy..yeah, so good i didn't even realize that i'm liking him too much...

he has a good heart and that's what i like about him...he's always willing to help...a good servant of God, a very respectful guy...

i always like being with him..though he always tries to annoy me, i miss his presence all the time...

i've never been addicted to someone for quite a long time but he's just so addicting :)

i don't know what to do...i want him to know how i feel but i just can't do that...

why? why do i always fall for a friend? :(

Love not time heals all wounds...

its been so long since the last time i have updated this blog...kasi naman di naman memorable ung mga nangyari eh...nasaktan lang ako pero bitter days have ended...

grabe na to...ang dmaing weird na nangyari samin ni bong. Well, Bong, si papa bear, as bf ko na since yesterday, march 26, 2006. Grabe tlaga, ang saya kahapon, di ko lam kung pano ko ieexplain ung pakiramdam ko kahapon, halo halo na rin kasi eh.

Ganito kasi un, nung march 6 may binigay akong lata sa kanya na may lamang qoutes (actually, di ko rin alam kung ano itsura nung laman kasi selyado talaga ung lata at kelangan talaga ng can opener). Ayun, tapos nung march 20 nung pauwi na kami galing sa baywalk, napagusapan namin na bubuksan nya un kapag sigurado na xa sa nararamdamn nya. tapos un nga khapon dala nya ung lata at binuksan nya habang nasa simbahan kami. tpos binasa namin ung laman at may weird n nangyari. Bgo un...nung march 15 habang nasa edsa central kami, sinulatan namin isat isa...dun sa sulat ko sa kanya huli kong sinulat ay "Love not time heals all wounds".... balik sa kwento... nagbabasa kami ng qoutes at ang weird kasi ung huling qoute na nakuha ko mula sa lata, ang nakasulat "LOVE NOT TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS". Pareho kaming nagulat, basta kasi ang dami nung qoutes dun ewan kung bakit un ung huli kong nakuha. oh tapos un na nga nagtnong na sya...ang saya saya ko talaga...
tapos nagvideoke kami, nood sine, tambay at nagsimba. Basta sobrang saya ko talaga pag kasama ko sya.

Sana maging ok lahat samin. at least hindi long distance relationship, anytime pede kami magkita kasi taga pasig din sya. Official tambay na nga kami ng plaza rizal at na videoke sa merriam bookstore eh. Hay, para sa inyong kaalaman, mahal na mahal ko po talaga si papa bear.

so happy this new year!

hay grabe, another year had passed. dmi nangyari sa 2005 masya ung iba at ung iba d gaano pero lahat ng un may naitulong skin. Lalo na ung sa isang friend ko. Anyway, ayoko magdrama ngayon kasi masaya talaga ako... bkit? Tanungin nyo na lang ung baby ko, kung kilala nyo sya, hehehe

may nakilala lang akong someone na naging friend ko, hehe, ang saya talaga! Basta iba talaga sya! Ibang iba sa iba kong nakilala... dahil sa kanya kaya ko nakalimutan ung pagsesenti ko. Dahil din sa kanya, naging masaya at makulay ang pagtatapos ng year 2005.

Ayoko muna sya ipakilala, ska na lang. Basta ngayon, masaya ako na nakilala ko sya. Sa isang iglap nawala pagiging bitter ko, hehe. Siguro nga nababaliw ako pero kung dahil sa kanya ok lang. Ewan ko kung maniniwala ung ibang tao samin pero masaya talaga kaming dalawa.

Hay, gusto ko na makilala sya ng mga taong malapit sakin kaso kelangan ko pa sya intayin e. Sbi nga ng isang friend ko bka trip lang pero sya na mismo ng test dun sa tao at di nya kinaya mga sinabi nung someone na un. Sya mismo, sumuko sa paguusisa e.

Cguro nga maraming magsasabi na hindi to totoo pero kami wala kaming pakialam basta masaya kami at mahal namin ang isat isa.

Happy New Year! :)

im afraid...

wla lang, kanina nagpacheck up ulit ako...wahhh... ndi pa ako magaling, may iuundergo na naman akong test...

natatakot na naman ako...sana ok lang kalabasan nung test... ayoko sa ospital, ewan ko basta ayoko dun!

waahhh... sana andito ka para icheer up ako... kaw lang kasi, ahhhh ayoko na!

hangang kelan ka ba magiging ganyan???? napapagod na akong maghintay....

wish....

may wish lang ako ngayong mga oras na ito... ano un?

isa lang naman eh... un ung makausap sya...

sobrang nami-miss ko na talaga... these past few days... masyado ko syang naiisip... hindi ko lam kung ano dapat kong gawin... nahihirapan na talaga ako... bakit ba kasi biglang naging ganito?

wahhh.... sana may mabait na taong mag-grant ng wish ko... ayoko na rin kasi umiyak eh...

miss na talaga kita sobra.... :(

rehab!

naaliw ako sa sinabi sakin kanina ng doktor...hehehe...dapat daw akong ipa-rehab...ang saya dba? pero hindi naman dahil adik ako eh. Meron daw kasi akong mild scoliosis. 10 degree ung curvature. di naman daw malala. kelangan ko lang magpagamot sa physical therapist at ayun maaayos pa naman daw.

wala lang. masaya lang ako ngayon kasi ngayong araw na to, nalaman ko kung sino ung mga taong concerned talaga sakin... nakakatuwa talaga... ang saya pa sa upm kanina kasi nagpunta kami sa g-box. na-miss ko yun eh. at sa tokyo-tokyo na sobrang memorable sakin.

anyway, un lang muna. :-)

...ups and downs...

naaaliw talaga ako sa mga nangyayari sakin ngayon... ang daming hindi magandang mga bagay ang nangyayari pero mas madami ung mga masasayang bagay sa buhay ko.

nung isang gabi, hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla na lang ako nagdrama... (nagdrama ko dahil naalala ko si.... hay naku kasi...) buti na lang nandyan si Lee to rescue me from my loneliness... ayus talaga sya kasi sa kanya ko nakakakuha ng mga inspirational words to brighten up my mood...sabi nya sakin alalahanin ko daw ung memories para maging masaya ako at hindi para lalo akong madepressed....astig talaga sya!

aside from Lee, andun din ung astig na guy sa dlrc...hehehe...si ----....hehehe.... ang cute nya magsayaw kagabi... astig talaga! ang saya pa nyang tao...waahhhh.... sya ung isa sa nagpapasaya sakin sa mga times na sumasakit na yung ulo ko sa mga subjects ko... natutuwa talaga ko kapag nakikita ko sya at ang smile nya... kahit ndi kami masyado nag-uusap, masaya na rin kasi binabati nya ko pag nagkikita kami...

at eto pa....un pang mysterious guy na lagi kong nakakasabay sa peyups... wla lang bigla kasi syang lumilitaw sa mga unexpected na pagakataon eh... tapos kagabi nakita ko din sya ulit at kasama din sya sa mga nagsayaw....kelan ko kaya sya makikilala???

ang saya talaga!!! with my friends and these three guys, nalilimutan ko ung pagkamiss ko sa isang taong sobrang importante sakin....kelan ko kaya sya ulit makakausap? miss na talaga kita!!! sana masaya ka sa buhay mo ngayon....

bakit ba kailangang mahirapan ng ganito???

pahirap talaga ang math 17! sobra ng pahirap, patalsikin si --------....hahaha...joke lang! pero grabe talaga ung exam namin kanina sa math 17 nakakadugo ng utak sobra! ewan ko ba kung bakit sobrang pinahihirapan kami ng prof namin.... bwisit na identities yan oh! ginawa kasi nyang kumplikado ang mga bagay eh...

anyway, excited na ko para sa uaap cheerdance competition tomorrow...watch out for the up pep squad! ang saya talaga...

miss ko na barkada ko sa upm...sayang kasi hindi sila lahat makakapunta sa araneta bukas...nakakamiss talaga lalo na nung tumawag si abet sa'kin kasi naririning ko yung mga boses ng ibang frat tapos parang ang saya-saya nila...nakakamiss lang kasi ung mga ganong moments eh...hayyy...tapos may galit pa ata sa'kin...sana maayos pa to...sobrang miss ko na rin kasi sya...

tama na ang drama...basta GO UP PEP SQUAD! HETO NA ANG UP! WALANG TATALO SA GALING, WALANG KATULAD ANG DATING!!!!

errrr....

hay naku sorry sa mga nagbabasa ng blog ko ha...kelangan ko lang talagang ilabas lahat ng sama ng loob ko sa isang taong sobrang importante sa kin...

hay naku...bwisit talaga sya!!! I HATE YOU!!!! kasi sana kung galit sya sakin sinabi na lang nya eh o kaya sana hindi na lang sya nagsalita kasi mas kakayanin ko pa un eh... pero the fact na binastos nya ako sa harap ng friend ko???...tama ba naman un??? oo siguro para sa kanya wala lang yun pero nakakainis talaga eh... hindi ko nga man lang alam kung bakit hindi nya ako kinakausap ng matino eh...kung dahil lang sa isang bagay na dapat ginawa ko pero hindi ko ginawa, shit pre ang babaw nun!!! isa pa ilang beses na akong nag-apologize dahil dun at akala ko naman ok na sa kanya... shocks... how i wish alam ko kung bakit dba? pra hindi ako nagmumukang tanga at nababastos ng harap-harapan!!!

ang ayoko lang kasi sa lahat eh sinasagot ako ng pabarang lalo na kung maayos yung pagtatanong ko... ewan ko ba... cguro nga nag-oover react ako sa paningin ng iba pero peste naman eh, cno bang hindi maiinis sa attitude na pinakita nya... parang hindi kami magkaibigan eh...errrr... gusto ko na talaga sya i-confront kanina pero damn it i wouldnt waste my energy to someone who doesnt even know how to respect other peoples feelings...

bahala na sya sa buhay nya, ako kasi nagawa ko na yung part ko... i tried to reach out kahit napapahiya na ako kasi ayokong masayang ng ganun-ganon na lang ung friendship eh... pero ayoko na... kung ayaw nya talaga ako kausapin bahala sya sa buhay nya... ngayon lang ako napuno ng ganito eh... as in sobrang gusto kong sumigaw at isumpa sya...

sana talaga hindi ko na lang sya nakita kanina para hindi na lang ako naasar... basta ako hindi na kita iisipin at mag-aaral na lang ako dahil dun may mapapala ako kaysa naman ... NAGPAPAHALAGA AKO SA ISANG TAONG BINABALEWALA LANG AKO!!!!!!!!!!

ULAN (CUESHE)

Lagi na lang umuulan
parang walang katapusan
tulad ng paghihirap ko ngayon
parang walang humpay
Sa kabila ng lahat ng aking pagsisikap
na limutin ka
ay di pa rin magawa

Hindi naman ako tanga
alam ko na wala ka na
pero mahirap lang na tanggapin
di na kita kapiling
iniwan mo akong nagiisa
sa gitna ng dilim at basang-basa pa sa ulan

Pero hwag mag-alala
di na kita gagambalain
Alam ko naman ngayon may kapiling ka nang iba

Tanging hiling ko sa'yo
na tuwing umuulan
maalala mo sanang may nagmamahal sayo.....

Lagi na lang umuulan
parang walang katapusan
tulad ng paghihirap ko ngayon
parang walang humpay
Iniwan mo akong nagiisa
sa gitna ng dilim at basang-basa pa sa ulan

Pero hwag magalala
di na kita gagambalain
alam ko naman ngayon
may kapiling ka nang iba

Tanging hiling ko sa'yo
na tuwing umuulan
maalala mo sanang may nagmamahal sayo....ako
LaLaLaLaLaLa..........

senti...

hay naku grabe na talaga ito...last time ang saya ko tapos ngayon eto na naman ako at nagsesenti...kasi naman feeling ko nagtatampo pa rin sya sakin...hindi ko naman ginusto ung nagyari eh...feeling ko tuloy ayaw nya na ko kausapin...ano ba dapat kong gawin? kasi naman eh...ang lakas nya topakin... eh ako nga madalas ko sya naiisip kasi sinanay nya ako sa isang bagay na eventually ay mawawala din pala... bakit ba kasi masyado akong attached sa kanya eh... pero hindi ko naman gusto un eh, hindi ako ung lumapit at nakipag-close...hayyyy....

anyway, ung tula sa last entry ko ginawa ko yun nung aug.23 sa main lib sa upd kasi wala akong magawa at syempre kapag wala akong magawa ay nagsesenti ako...hehehe...ginawa ko un para sa kanya kasi nga namimiss ko na sya... sabi ng friend ko sabi nya daw namimiss nya din ako pero ewan ko sa kanya kung bakit sya ganon... cguro nga nagtatampo lang sya... gusto ko na nga sya i-confront eh pero hello? i know i dont have the courage to do that again...tama na...